Faults
by itswhatido
Summary: Pony can't get over the loss of Dally and Johnny, and his teachers say he is going to have to repeat. Mean while someone returns sending mixed feelings in the gang. *Anyone interested in betaing?*
1. Chapter 1

A/N :Pony can't get over the loss of Dally and Johnny, and his teachers say he is going to have to repeat

A/N :Pony can't get over the loss of Dally and Johnny, and his teachers say he is going to have to repeat. Mean while someone returns sending mixed feelings in the gang. Anyone interested in betaing?

I lied to myself earlier that night when I said Darry and I wouldn't fight anymore. Darry and I always fought all the time, we had for some time now. We probably wouldn't fight in front of Soda, but I knew we would still fight. I couldn't get that out of my mind while I was finishing up my English paper. I worked hard on that paper. It said a lot about everything, and I hadn't decided if I was ready to turn it in yet. I stared at my paper for multiple minutes with out reading a word it said. Darry kept on telling me constantly that the world don't stop when someone dies, and I agree, but I think it at least pauses when it was your fault that somebody died, or even two somebodies in my case.

"I'm sorry, Johnny. I'm real sorry," I whispered still staring.

"What are you doing Pony?" Soda came hopping in the room happily. I nearly jumped out of my skin when he said that. "What's wrong?" He couldn't hide his grin. I just gave him a blank stare like I did now when I didn't want to answer a question.

"Come on and eat dinner, Steve's coming by sometime tonight and we can all play cards or something." He ruffled my hair and walked out.

I took one last look at the pages I had written then knocked them all on to the floor with a sigh. Not really in the mood to eat I made my way to the kitchen anyway.

"Come on Pone," Darry called me.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," I spoke hardly loud enough for him to hear.

They both looked at me as I made the last turn walking into the kitchen looking the opposite direction I was walking and hit the glass coffee table right on my shin.

"Shit," I mumbled to my self being real sure Darry didn't hear.

"Watch it there Pony," Soda sounded concered.

He did all the time now, watching over me as if I was a little kid.

Darry's eyes just pierced me as I sat down. "Be more careful Pony," He finally said. Normally I knew he would be yellen, but something stopped him and I wasn't in the mood to figure out what it was.

I moved my fork around my plate eating a bite or two when Darry acted like he was going to say something. I wasn't hungry, I never was any more.

"How's it going?" Two-Bit came in the house pausing from him and Steve's bickering fit.

"What are you two up to?" Soda smiled as I merged towards the trash can hoping Darry would just leave me alone and not make me eat anymore.

"You gonna eat that?" Two-bit took my plate out of my hand before I had a chance to answer.

"Go ahead and start dishes Pony, Soda did them on his lonesome yesterday," Darry reminded me.

I didn't mind doing the dishes; I was use to it now. In fact, I'd rather do them by myself. Soda would try to start some dumb conversation and I would have to pretend to be interested.

"Is the kid ok?" I heard Two-bit ask in a hushed voice which was unusual for Two-Bit.

"I dunno," I heard Darry reply as everyone piled out of the kitchen except for me.

With in minutes cards were brought out and were being played.

"Deal me in next round, I gotta take a shower," Soda called from our room.

I would play cards every once in a while, but they were more Steve and Soda's thing. Two-Bit's too, when he wasn't too drunk to play.

I dried the last pot then merged back to our room. Soda almost knocked me over coming out.

"I thought you were in the shower." I pushed by him.

He looked at me for a brief second as if he were trying to figure something out then tried to cover up by saying, "Headed that way."

He came in putting on a shirt a few minutes later, watching me stare at my English work not really reading it.

"Come on and play cards." He still had a weird look on his face. I had a feeling he knew something, but I forced myself to ignore it.

"Some other time," I said with no emotion.

"Come on, it'll be good for you," He whined. Soda knew I hated it when he whined.

"Go on with out me," I tried not to care.

"Don't make me get Darry to help me tickle you." He used his lame attempt to threaten me.

"I'll go, but I ain't gonna play cards," I stood up.

"Deal," Soda nodded. It wasn't hard to please him.

"Super man, can we deal you in?" Two-Bit called.

"What's it gonna hurt," Darry agreed surprising everyone.

"Shit, I got a crappy hand," Two-bit went on cussing out every word he could think of, plus more.

"Two-Bit," Darry was a little edgy, which was usual this time a day.

"Yeah, I gotta get out here anyway. Places to go chicks to see." He picked up his beer and was gone. Everyone laughed and smiled as he stumbled out the door. He had that effect on people. He could always make them laugh.

"Soda, what's going on with you?" Steve laughed beating him big time.

"Man little buddy, he whipped you." Darry joined in smiling.

"Pepsi?" Darry repeated.

"Yeah, what?" Soda looked away from me and to Darry.

"Maybe we outta crash," Darry's smile faded instantly.

"I think that that's a good idea," Steve stood up.

"You uh, staying here tonight?" Soda tried to focus.

"Yeah, old man kicked me out. I think it might be for good this time." Steve looked a little hurt.

"The couch is all you," Darry left the room.

"We'll talk about it tomorrow, ok?" Soda told Steve following me into our room. That's when I made the connection about what was going on.

"Hey," He closed the door. I could feel the tension rising in the room. I sat on the bed and looked at him wondering to myself how much he knew.

"IF you really mean what you wrote, then Pony we got some things to work out." He sat next to me.

I didn't answer; I didn't know what to say. I did mean what I said mostly; at least I thought I did, and I wasn't about to having a sobbing feast over the past.

"It was not in anyway possible your fault Pony." He paused and stared me down. "Bad things happen to good people all the time. Johnny, he was a great person. He'd been through more hell than me and you probably ever will. He chose to go into the church, you didn't make him." He put his arm around me as he saw me start to jerk away.

"Why are you doing this?" I pushed his arm off. No one ever talked about Jonny and Dally around me for this very reason. I didn't want to talk, hear, or think about them.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" He turned around my question.

"I'm not doing anything," I snapped.

"Hating, yourself, blaming yourself, refusing to move on. That is doing something. He stood up getting into it. "And Pony, everything you said about the Socs that's not one bit you! Come on Pone, they've been leaving us alone since everything happened. You gotta let go-"

"Let me handle this Soda." I stepped back interrupting him.

"You've had time to handle this Pony, and you haven't handled it. Let me help. Talk to me Ponyboy, like we use to." He pleaded pacing around the room a little.

"Things have changed," I sighed.

"Yeah, but we haven't. Come on," He looked so sad. The truth is we had changed. Everyone was different. No one had the exact same personality anymore. Soda wasn't as easy to talk to. He didn't give me time to come to him, he came to me. Two-Bit started to think about the jokes he cracked around me, Steve even left me alone. No one was the same.

"There is nothing to handle. I killed two people. I took two lives. I killed them. I might as well shot both of them. It would be the same thing!" I lost it. I had been saying that to myself ever since it happened, but I had never said it out loud until now. "Soda, I think it is time one of us moves out into Mom and Dad's room," I said firmly. I had made up my mind. I hade made it up a while ago, but didn't want to break the news to Soda until I thought it was necessary.

"No, No, Pony. No." Soda grabbed me and matched my yelling.

"What the hell is-" Steve came in the room in a hurry.

"Pony, nothing that happened was your fault you have to trust me. Can you trust me little buddy? Can you do that?" Soda was trying so hard. I knew he was, but it didn't matter what he said. I knew the truth.

"Would you stop saying that?" I pushed him off me harder than I meant to. He lost his balance and stepped back hitting the wall. Not hard enough to hurt him or anything, but still, I never meant to push that hard.

"No, not until you hear me, and I mean really hear me." Soda didn't seem to mind me pushing him.

"Soda move." I tried to get around him to escape.

"Steve give me a hand," Soda continued to block the door way.

"Uh, there was nothing that anyone couldna done," Steve said not seeming so sure.

"Ok I hear you loud and clear, get out of my way." I tried again, but failed.

"What the hell?" Darry came in angry. That's when I made a mistake, I squeezed by with the intentions of leaving. Maybe even for good if Darry hadn't gotten in my way.

"Darry, grab em'" Steve called.

"What is going on?" Darry caught my arm and pulled me back.

"Let's talk about it Pony!" Soda shouted again.

"Talk about what?" Darry sounded angry like usual.

"He wrote about what happened and he has it all wrong. He has it being his fault. He won't listen." Soda ratted me out. I was surprised that Soda would tell that easly, but at that point I didn't really care.

"What are you doing reading my stuff anyway?" I growled.

"You just left it laying there." Soda threw his hands in the air.

"Pony, nothing that happened was your fault. We have been over this before." Darry tightened his grip on my arm.

"All of it was," I said with out thinking.

"Come on now, Pony." Darry even struggled a little to keep a hold on me.

"Just let me go!" I pulled even harder.

"Not until you agree to settle down," Soda chimed in.

I slowly stopped fighting Darry's grip realizing I wasn't going to win.

"Now, what the hell is going on?" Darry slowly let go of me.

"Nothing, ok nothing is going on." I squeezed by Darry and walked on the porch. I thought about running, but I had no where to go.

"Last time he went off upset he crossed state lines." I heard Darry point out.

"I'll go talk to him," Soda hesitated. I didn't want to talk to Soda, or Darry, and definitely not Steve. The only person I would talk to would be willing to talk to would be Johnny, and that wasn't ever going to happen again.

"He's just on the porch, look you can even see him. If he does anything stupid you can get out there quickly. Give him some time let him cool down," Steve actually took my side. It surprised me that he would take my side, he never did.

"Let me see that," I heard Darry. I assumed that he was grabbing my English assignment and reading it by now.

I sat on the porch steps lighting a cancer stick and started thinking.

"How is it fair that life is going on with out them," I said to myself. It is almost like they are forgotten. Which was weird, cause everyone knew Dallas Winston. Most people who knew him wished they hadn't, but he was still known. A few weeks ago this time they would both be at our house. Two-Bit would be rambling about some girl cussing his hear out, Dally would be drinking and talking about how bad Tim was, Soda and Steve would be playing cards, and Johnny and I would be the way we always were. "Shit," I mumbled again putting out my cigarette out with my finger. I did that with Curly once, and when Tim found out he almost skinned the both of us. It was getting late, and I was getting tired, but I wasn't ready to go in yet.

I saw a light go off, but before I had a chance to wonder Steve got all in my face.

"Listen, and listen good. I am not gonna watch you put your brothers through shit because you are in pain. You wanna deal with it, deal with it," Steve pushed me around a little.

"Curly's commin back tomorrow, I'm sure him and Tim will come by here after Tim tells him what really happened. Talk to Curly or do what ever you need to do, Savvy?" Steve was real pissed. He always was around me so it was nothing new.

"What's up your butt," I thought about saying, but stopped myself realizing that he might be right. I hated it when Steve was right.

"Want one?" I held out a cancer stick knowing he wasn't going anywhere. There was a loud BANG followed by the house across the streets light turned on. The yelling and cussing started moments later. It was obvious that it was coming from Johnny's house. I got this feeling I couldn't explain. It was powerful, painful, intense-it was hate. I hated Johnny's parents.

"If those batstards would think about anyone besides themselves long enough maybe Johnny would have had a better life, damn it. Don't they get how bad he wanted to please them? Glory how could they hate a kid like Johnny? I bet they don't even know he is gone, too drunk or high, or just don't even give a damn!" I took a long drag of my weed. Normally I would never talk like that in front of Steve, but there was know stopping me.

"You're a smart ass kid you know that?" Steve mumbled listening to the fighting.

The more I listened the more the feeling occurred. It got worse. I could almost feel my face turning red as I cracked my knuckles on my knee casually. An other something was thrown and crashed to the ground making everything shake even at our house.

"I'm not gonna sit here and listen to this bull," Steve turned inside just in time. "Get in," He muttered at me. I don't know why I did what he said; I had no control over what happened it just did.

"Soda said that if you wanted you could sleep in your parent's room," Steve watched me walk to the kitchen as if I was about to do somethin illegal. He then laid on the couch and left me alone. I took a bunch of aspirins to stop my head that was pounding and my hands that were shaking. I stood up and walked back and forth across the kitchen floor just to calm down, or to prevent me from doing something stupid. I didn't want to sleep in my parents' room, but I also knew that if I went in our room I would wake Soda up and he would want to talk, and I didn't want to talk. I looked at the old clock hanging on the wall reading three thirty. I was surprised it was already that late. I heard Steve snoring and I knew no one would be up for a few hours. I pulled the grocery list off the counter and wrote:

_Went out with Two-Bit,_

_Ponyboy._

A/n: Let me know if anyone is interested in Betaing

I knew Darry would kill me if he found out I was gone, but kill me even more if he found out I was gone and he didn't know where I was. I figured by now Two-Bit would be hung over at his house and I might be able to crash there until thing eased off. I wandered down the street making it all the way to Two-Bit's house before it even occurred to me. How was I going to get in? Stupidly I threw pebbles from outside onto his window, and to my surprise a light turned on and a head came into my view. After a few minutes passed the light turned off and then Two-Bit appeared outside.

"What the hell?" Two-Bit mumbled.

"Sorry to bother you Two-Bit," I started.

"That is my sister's room moron," Two-Bit rubbed his eyes. "What do you want?" He reached for a weed.

"Just to hang out," I said not knowing how dumb it sounded. He stared at me for a minute before me spoke. "Darry know where you are?" He spat out.

"Left him a note," I stuck my hands farther into my pockets.

"Does he know you are with me?" Two-Bit grinned.

I figured that Two-Bit wasn't actually drunk, but had been drinking.

"You couldn't wait until morning kid?" Two-Bit brought up swearing under his breath. I shrugged my shoulders and just looked at the ground.

"So nothing is wrong, but you just came over here for no reason?" Two-bit looked confused. I didn't know how to answer the question.

"Johnny's parents were at it with eachother again tonight," I said thinking off the top of my head.

"The sick bastards." Two-bit stepped on his weed. "You wanna know what really pisses me off? His dumb ass parents were even drunk at Johnny's service." Two-bit cussed his heart out feeling better as he called Mr. Cade everything he could think of. I smiled a little at some of the words Two-bit had come up with. "Shit, what did I do with my beer?" Two-bit looked around.

"You didn't have one when you came outside two-bit," I thought about saying, but didn't.

"Shit," Her mumbled again

"Come on inside, I gotta get me an other beer." He walked towards his house. I followed behind, not really wanting to go inside his house, but I didn't really have much of a choice. I watched Two-Bit stumble over to the fridge and get out a beer, as if he hadn't had enough already.I looked around his house, it looked the same as always. Messy.

"IS that clock right Two-Bit?" I said panicked.

"Glory kid, I dunno." He laughed.

"Two-bit I gotta get home, Darry'll be up in a few minutes, and If I'm not home-" I stopped and looked at him.

"Come on, get in my car," Two-Bit lead me outside.

I knew Darry hated it when I road with Two-bit, but I didn't think it waould be a good idea to object now.

"Don't look so scared, kid. The breaks kind of work," HE grinned and pulled out of the drive way.

Besides a bit of swerving and speeding Two-bit drove good. Well, about the same as usual.

"Are you getting out kid?" Two-bit tapped on my window.

I got out and walked up to the house.

"What the hell Steve, I thought you were watching him!" I heard Darry yell.

"I didn't think he needed a babysitterm he's what fifteen now?" Steve fought back scartastically.

"Come on Darry, he's with Two-bit," I heard Soda stand up for me.

"Is that soppose to be comforting?" Darry spat out.

"Move kid," Two-bit shoved me towards the door.

"Hi ya Pony, where'd you go off so early this morning?" Soda saw me first.

"I uh," I started.

"Pony where the hell have you been? We were worried." Darry almost looked relieved to see me.

"Sorry," I looked down at my shoes.

"Wake me up before you take off early in the morning Pony, ok?" Soda yawned.

"Come on, he was with me. How much trouble could we get in?" Two-Bit laughed.

"Hold on let me make a list," Steve rolled his eyes.

"I don't have time for this." Darry took a long sip of his cofee and walked back to his room.

"Damn, I'm outta beer," Two-Bit looked at his bottle.

"Two-bit, get out of our fridge, Soda you workin today?" Darry came running into the kitchen puttin on a shirt.

"On a Saturday? Yeah right!" Steve answered.

"Do I need to?" Soda's way of askin if ew needed more cash.

"Naw little buddy. I'll be back tonight late, Pony your turn to cook." Darry started towards the door.

"Hey Soda," He stopped and Soda walked over to him.

"Keep an eye on Pony for me will ya?" Darry tried to whisper, but I heard everything he said anyway.

"What do you guys wanna do?" Soda tried to change the subject.

"Hell, it's too early to d anything!" Two'bit plopped down on the couch with an other beer.

"I'll make eggs," Soda offered.

"Don't change the color ok?" Steve called as I walked back to our room. I laid on the bed instinkly comfortable.


	2. Chapter 2

I knew Darry would kill me if he found out I was gone, but kill me even more if he found out I was gone and he didn't know where I was

I knew Darry would kill me if he found out I was gone, but kill me even more if he found out I was gone and he didn't know where I was. I figured by now Two-Bit would be hung over at his house and I might be able to crash there until thing eased off. I wandered down the street making it all the way to Two-Bit's house before it even occurred to me. How was I going to get in? Stupidly I threw pebbles from outside onto his window, and to my surprise a light turned on and a head came into my view. After a few minutes passed the light turned off and then Two-Bit appeared outside.

"What the hell?" Two-Bit mumbled.

"Sorry to bother you Two-Bit," I started.

"That is my sister's room moron," Two-Bit rubbed his eyes. "What do you want?" He reached for a weed.

"Just to hang out," I said not knowing how dumb it sounded. He stared at me for a minute before me spoke. "Darry know where you are?" He spat out.

"Left him a note," I stuck my hands farther into my pockets.

"Does he know you are with me?" Two-Bit grinned.

I figured that Two-Bit wasn't actually drunk, but had been drinking.

"You couldn't wait until morning kid?" Two-Bit brought up swearing under his breath. I shrugged my shoulders and just looked at the ground.

"So nothing is wrong, but you just came over here for no reason?" Two-bit looked confused. I didn't know how to answer the question.

"Johnny's parents were at it with each other again tonight," I said thinking off the top of my head.

"The sick bastards." Two-bit stepped on his weed. "You wanna know what really pisses me off? His dumb ass parents were even drunk at Johnny's service." Two-bit cussed his heart out feeling better as he called Mr. Cade everything he could think of. I smiled a little at some of the words Two-bit had come up with. "Shit, what did I do with my beer?" Two-bit looked around.

"You didn't have one when you came outside two-bit," I thought about saying, but didn't.

"Shit," He mumbled again

"Come on inside, I gotta get me an other beer." He walked towards his house. I followed behind, not really wanting to go inside his house, but I didn't really have much of a choice. I watched Two-Bit stumble over to the fridge and get out a beer, as if he hadn't had enough already. I looked around his house, it looked the same as always. Messy.

"IS that clock right Two-Bit?" I said panicked.

"Glory kid, I dunno." He laughed.

"Two-bit I gotta get home, Darry'll be up in a few minutes, and If I'm not home-." I stopped and looked at him.

"Come on, get in my car," Two-Bit lead me outside.

I knew Darry hated it when I road with Two-bit, but I didn't think it would be a good idea to object now.

"Don't look so scared, kid. The breaks kind of work," He grinned and pulled out of the drive way.

Besides a bit of swerving and speeding Two-bit drove good. Well, about the same as usual.

The first thing I noticed when we pulled up was that all the lights were on. "Are you getting out kid?" Two-bit tapped on my window after standing there and looking at me for a minute..

I got out and walked up to the house.

"What the hell Steve, I thought you were watching him!" I heard Darry yell.

"I didn't think he needed a baby-sitter he's what, fifteen now?" Steve fought back sarcastically.

"Come on Darry, he's with Two-bit," I heard Soda stand up for me.

"Is that suppose to be comforting?" Darry spat out.

"Move kid," Two-bit shoved me towards the door.

"Hi ya Pony, where'd you go off so early this morning?" Soda saw me first.

"I uh," I started.

"Pony, where the hell have you been? We were worried." Darry almost looked relieved to see me.

"Sorry," I looked down at my shoes.

"Wake me up before you take off early in the morning Pony, ok?" Soda yawned.

"Come on, he was with me. How much trouble could we get in?" Two-Bit laughed.

"Hold on let me make a list," Steve rolled his eyes.

"I don't have time for this. We'll talk about it tonight talk." Darry took a long sip of his coffee and walked back to his room.

"Damn, I'm outta beer," Two-Bit looked at his bottle.

"Two-bit, get out of our fridge unless you wanna go shopping, Soda you work-in today?" Darry came running into the kitchen putting on a shirt.

"On a Saturday? Yeah right!" Steve answered for Soda.

"Do I need to?" Soda's way of asking if we needed more cash.

"Naw little buddy. I'll be back tonight late, Pony your turn to cook." Darry started towards the door.

"Hey Soda." He stopped and Soda walked over to him.

"Keep an eye on Pony for me will ya?" Darry tried to whisper, but I heard everything he said anyway.

"What do you guys wanna do?" Soda tried to change the subject.

"Hell, it's too early to d anything!" Two-bit plopped down on the couch with an other beer.

"I'll make eggs," Soda offered.

"Don't change the color ok?" Steve called as I walked back to our room. I laid on the bed instantly comfortable. I heard the phone ring and was shortly answered by Soda. I didn't pay much attention to how was on the other end of the phone conversation, but I guess I should have known.

It didn't even feel like a few minutes had passed before Soda came in.

"Come on, breakfast's ready," he stood at the door way.

"Not hungry," I replied.

"Eat anyway," He snapped. I continued to lay there and he continued to stare at me.

"Come on Pone, you gotta eat." He came and sat on the end of the bed. I continued to not move.

"Don't make this hard Pony," Soda sounded a little impatience. I thought about moving, but decided against it.

" If you'd rather talk first that's ok too." Soda bounced a little.

"I'd rather just lay here," I answered.

"Yeah, well you're not getting your way this time. Your principal called a few minutes ago, I think it'd be easier to talk to me than Darry, don't you?" He caught me attention.

"What'd they tell you?" I sighed.

"That they want you to repeat," Soda replied with no emotion.

"What'd you say?" I sat up.

"I told them the truth, that'd I'd get Darry to call them back."

"Ok," I let out a long breath.

"Pony, this is a big deal!" Soda raised his voice.

"Why?" I laid back down.

"Why? Are you kidding me? Pony this is your education. You are going to get the education that no one else is our family got. You are gonna be able to go to college, and now you are screwing all of that up! What is going on with you?" Soda yelled for one of the first times ever. "I'm threw with cutting you slack Ponyboy, and I know Darry is. I thought you would want my help telling Darry, but I guess I was wrong!" Soda stood up. I could tell he was angry because he never yelled at me.

"I suggest you get all your homework done and come up with one hell of a good explanation for Darry when he comes home tonight. You're gonna be the one to tell him, not me." Soda walked out and slammed the door behind him. I knew he was mad now, and I couldn't blame him. I was mad at me too.

A/n: I know it's no where near perfect, so concrit is totally welcome. If anyone is willing to beta that is greatly appreciated as well! Thank you to all my reviewers!


	3. Chapter 3

Authors note: Ok, so the reason my chapters are taking so long to post is because my computer is out to get me

Authors note: Ok, so the reason my chapters are taking so long to post is because my computer is out to get me. So I am using my mother's, but she is crazy protective over it meaning things are complicated. So, the chapters will be long and not as often as I hoped sorry! **Beta?**

"Why's that?" Soda laughed a little.

"`Cause man, Tim's gonna jump all over Curly's ass for getting caught by the fuzz!" Two-Bit said as if Soda was stupid for asking.

I then stopped listening and did what Soda said, my homework. I did all of it from start to finish. It took about two hours, but I didn't have anything else to do anyway. Knowing that I had nothing to do I reached for a book off my dresser and managed to knock all of the stuff Soda and I had piled up all over the floor with a loud crash. Neither Soda or I ever cleaned, so our room just got dirtier and dirtier until Darry made one of us clean it.

"Damn it," I looked at the ground. I was getting real tired of knocking things over.

"What the hell?" I heard Two-Bit blurt.

"Probably just Pony running into something, I swear that kid is the biggest-" Steve started before the door swung open scaring me to death.

"What happened?" Soda looked scared. I told my self he was faking.

"I knocked over all of this crap," I replied hesitantly.

"Are you ok?" He continued to stare at me as if I had done some thing illegal.

"Yeah." I returned his stare.

"Ok," Soda nodded a little. He still looked at me for a few long seconds before turning to leave.

"Hey Soda," I forced myself to say. He just stopped and turned around.

"Yeah?" He said when I didn't speak.

"I'm-I'm s… sorry about earlier," I stuttered.

Soda paused and looked at me for a long moment like he was going to give me a long lecture like Darry always did. "It's ok." Soda shrugged followed by a smile.

"Do you still hate me?" I looked at the ground. I didn't want to look at him incase he said yes.

"Pony, no matter what you ever do, I will never ever hate you, ok? The same with Darry. Sure he's gonna be mad and disappointed about all this school, but he will still love you." Soda sat on the bed and motioned for me to sit next to him. I did scared not to.

"Want to tell me what's going on?" Soda draped his arm on my shoulder. I wasn't comfortable talking about it, and I didn't want to.

"Come on Pony, you can tell me," Soda coaxed.

"I can't move on," I sighed realizing that Soda wasn't going to leave anytime soon.

"Hey man, how's it going? William greeted me.

"Pretty good how about yourself?" I shook his hand.

"Things are going real good, my wife is doing a lot better and so is our new baby girl!" I could tell just by looking at him he was truly in love and ready to be a father.

"I'm glad to hear it," I couldn't help but smile. I didn't do that very often any more. There simply wasn't enough time. "Good to have you back, been hard with out your hands."

"I'm sure you haven't been slacking off." William kidded me punching me in the arm.

"Slacking off doesn't pay the bills." I nodded and picked up my hammer.

"Ain't it the truth." He walked the opposite way than me.

I always like William. He was about five years older than me, and had been in love with his wife since they were 16. All the other guys who worked here were well out of college and kids were Soda's age. Sometimes I would hear them telling stories about their kid commin home hung over or saw their daughter making out in the car. It was always funny to see their reactions. None of them never even knew my name until they read about Pony in the paper and William told them that I was his guardian. After that they ask how things are going occasionally, but nothing extreme.

It was March, so it was beginning to get a little warmer, and being on a roof climbing up and down a ladder on only five hours of sleep for everyday this week was anything but easy.

"Curtis," Someone behind me shouted as I was climbing down the ladder.

"Yes sir?" I turned around and saw it was my boss.

"Have a minute?" He asked, but wasn't really asking.

"Yes sir," I answered. While we walked away I felt like I was in high school again. Everyone watched me as if I were in huge trouble.

"I'm sorry it's taken me so long to talk to you. I've been out the last few weeks with my family." He smiled. His smile faded as he paused then started again. "The kid who saved the little kids in the fire with Pony a few weeks back, I heard about his death, and I'm sorry. I know it's hit your family hard. With everything that is going on lately I see it can't be easy. I have a second project a friend of mine wants me to get started on right away. The roofing will be a little harder and the hours a little longer, but weekends are off. Be a little extra cash to help with the bills or whatever."

"Thank you for the offer, I'll get back to you by the end of the day." I shook his hand and went back to work.

"Curtis, your not in trouble are you?" William came over and started working next to me.

"Naw, just wanted to give me options." I said hammering away.

"You aren't leavin' are ya?" He yelled over all the noise.

"I don't know. I wouldn't be leaving, leaving. Just an other project for a few weeks, I guess." I paused and looked towards him.

"Ok man, well let me know if I can do, anything to help man." He stood up and briefly placed his hand on my back trying to comfort me. It was no secret that life was hell at our house. Sure it had been weeks since everything happened, but newspapers still talk about it, I hear Soda tell Steve about all the girls at the DX who ask him about it day after day, Two-Bit says that the asses at school give the greasers a hard time every chance they get, and people still give you that sympathetic look like they are sorry your friend died saving someone else's life, or sorry that a friend couldn't handle the pain and practically committed suicide.

"Curtis, we don't got all day!" I heard yelled. I didn't even know who it was, I just went back to working. We all worked almost silently for the rest of the day. Except for the swearing and the creative names these guy managed to come up with when someone messed up. They sure did remind me of Two-Bit. Some of the guys stopped for lunch around one, but I never did. I just kept working, like I always did.

"Got an answer for me Curtis?" My boss yelled up to me. I assumed it was around 6 judging by the sky.

"No sir, would it be all right if I talk it over with Soda, and let you know tomorrow?" I climbed down and looked at him.

"All right son, let me know tomorrow or I'll have no choice but to give the position to someone else." He waved to the other guys getting in their trucks.

"Yes sir." I nodded looking in the direction he waved.

"Call it a night Curtis. Go home." He called over his shoulder.

I did as he said. I packed up all my stuff, got in my truck, and headed home.

I opened the door to our house to see all the normal stuff. Two-Bit, Steve, and Soda playing cards and Pony were reading.

"Hey Darry, how's work?" Soda greeted first.

"Hey little buddy." I headed to the kitchen. I had forgotten it was my turn to cook.

"You all stayin?" I called.

"Naw, I got plans to get boozed up, I'll see you all tomorrow," Two-Bit walked out.

"Steve?" I asked.

"Thanks, but I gotta get going too." I knew something was up. Steve never had to leave, and if he did Soda was always going too.

"Hey, Darry, Pony has something he has to tell you. Can you come in here for a second?" Soda confirmed my feeling.

"What's going on?" I sat down on the torn arm of my father's old leather chair. Soda looked at Pony, but Pony just continued to stare at the ground. Soda then took his foot and gently tapped Pony's foot to get his attention. Pony ignored Soda.

"Uh Darry, the school called today," Soda said softly.

"Really, what'd they want?" I said kinda relieved. I was thinking something was really serious.

"Darry, they want Pony to repeat," Soda sighed.

"They want him to do what!" I yelled not really meaning to.

"They said that taking into consideration everything that has happened it'd be better to take an incomplete and start fresh again next year. That way it wouldn't screw up colleges I guess. Look Darry," Soda started again before I cut him off.

"Pony, why? You are so smart!" I yelled. He didn't answer. He didn't even look up.

"Darry, I know he really screwed up, and he knows that too, but maybe considering, it wouldn't be such a bad idea," Soda stuck up for Pony.

"I honestly never thought we would have this conversation, ever! What the hell were you thinking? Well, obviously you weren't thinking!" I couldn't help, but yell. I was mad, and when I get mad I yell.

"Pony say something," Soda whispered. We both waited a long moment for Pony to open his mouth, which of course he didn't.

"You've gotta use your head Pony! If you start failing classes you sure ain't gonna get a scholarship and Pony, we can't afford to send you to college with out a scholarship! We shouldn't have to, Pony!"

"What if I don't want to," Pony mumbled.

"Don't want to what?" Soda asked before I had a chance.

"Soda, you didn't go to college and neither did you Darry, and Two-bit ain't even gonna graduate, and god only knows about Steve, why should I have to!" Pony stood up surprising Soda and I both.

"Because you can!" I stood up too. Soda also did, but I had a feeling the only reason he did was to stop one of us faster incase we did something stupid.

"Do you not want to do good in school any more Ponyboy?" Soda asked clueless.

"I hate school," Pony mumbled. "It ain't the same." He shrugged he shoulders and sank back into the couch.

"Nothing is the same any more Pony, but you gotta get over it and move on. You can't mess up your life because of change. I've said this before!" I continued to say loud even though I knew Pony wasn't listening.

"Pony go on to our room babe, I'll be in, in a minute," Soda faked a smile and patted Pony's back as Pony stumbled by.

"Damn it," I mumbled to myself.

"Call the school Darry, listen to what they have to say. There's gotta be something we can do," Soda sounded upset.

"I got an idea on what we can do, but I'm pretty sure it's illegal." I put my head in my hands.

"Come on Darry, you don't mean that," Soda closed his eyes and laid out on the couch.

"He's gotta move on, why won't he just move on!" I threw my hands up in the air.

"I don't know Dar,' Soda kept his eyes closed.

"We all lost somebody. Hell, Johnny was all of our kid brother. Looking after him was something that never got old, and Dally. Dally was Dally. He was-Dally." It was true there were no words to explain Dally. I stood up and walked to the kitchen to start making what ever we had that could be eaten.

I looked at the kitchen table and saw School called written in big letter with the number under circled.

"Shit," I said louder than intended and knocked the paper, mail, bill off the table onto the floor. I don't know why I did it, it was like I had no control over what I was doing.

"Darry?" Soda came in at the wrong time. I still felt the need to-hit something.

"Yeah little buddy?" I forced myself to cool it.

"What's eating you" He asked innocently. God, I love that kid.

"You mean besides Pony?" I kinda smiled for a half second.

"Yeah," he looked at me hard.

"I got a job offer today," I sighed thinking of how to explain it.

"So," he rushed impatiently.

"Better sit down Pepsi, it's gonna take a while." I pointed to a chair and began explaining. I could see why Pony like Soda better than me. He stayed calm and I had only ever see him yell a few times in my life. I yelled a few times every day.

"What's holdin you back from takin it Dar?" Soda leaned back in his chair.

"He said it'd put a few extra bucks in our pocket, but would it be enough for me to quit my other job? `Cause working longer hours ain't gonna give me enough hours at the other place, I guess I could work weekends all day, I just dunno," I took a long sip of my coffee.

"Darry, you work too hard," Soda smiled gently.

"Gotta do what you gotta do." I stood up and started hunting for food again.

"Darry, I could pull more hours, it ain't right you gotta be working this hard all on your lonesome," Soda tried again.

"Soda, don't worry about it alright? Now, I gotta cook, go talk some since into that brother of yours," I playfully nudged Soda. I thought that by telling Soda that I had everything under control would make him not worry I certainly didn't believe it.

"I mean I've been trying to talk since into my brother for years, you just don't listen!" Soda laughed desperately trying to lighten the mood.

"Just wait `till you get any mouthier little buddy." I smiled and shook my head. I really didn't know what to do about pretty much anything any more.

Author's note: So what'd you think? I am thinking that when Darry hears the news about the school, his reaction isn't real believable for his personality. Comment? Also, I am having some problems with Pony thought. Any suggestion non what his reaction to the school thing? Thanks for reading. **let me know if there is a Beta out there*


	4. Chapter 4

I walked out of the kitchen and into our room. The light was off, but I was sure that Pony was not asleep.

"Pony." I whispered after closing the door behind me. He didn't budge, but I was sure he heard me, he just wished he hadn't.

"We gotta talk about it Pony." I kneeled on the bed before rolling over to my back.

Only sounds that were heard were silence.

"If you're alive make a noise," I tried to lighten the mood. It didn't work, not even for a second.

Pony rolled onto his stomach pressing his face to the pillow. I hesitated for a long moment before beginning again.

"Pony, Darry didn't over react. Maybe a little, but he'll come around. I bet by this time tomorrow he will have called the school and have everything settled. Are you worried, `cause you don't need to be." I spoke what I thought was right, but I was running out of patients.

"I'm getting tired of talking to myself Ponyboy." I told him firmly as I reached over him to turn of the lamp. I saw it right before the room disappeared into a sea of black. It was like a punch in the gut, seeing someone you love suffering. It was worse than when it happens to you, when you are the one suffering.

"Aw, Pone." I put my hand on his shoulder and rolled him over to his back. Pony didn't resist like I assumed he tried to hide the tears, but I had already seen them. I didn't speak at first my brain was searching for the right thing to say.

"What do you want to do?"

Pony didn't speak right away but something told me he was going to answer this question, so I waited.

"I don't want to do summer school, I need out," he explained softly.

"Who said anything about summer school?"

"If I do well for the next few weeks the principal will most likely agree to let me pass if I do summer school or something. I don't want to Soda." He made it very clear, and I understood.

"Even if that means you won't have to repeat?" I cleared things up.

He nodded his head firmly.

"I'll tell Supper Man," I agreed. I could tell he had some relief.

"Pony, why don't you like school anymore. You're kinda throwing away all you've worked for. You could go so far, I mean you still can. Anyone with half a heart will cut you some slack this year."

"School, just isn't for me." He started to roll back over, but I wouldn't let him.

"No, Pony. I want to know what the hell this talk is all about and where in God's name it is coming from. I personally would like to kill the person who is putting those idea's in your head!" I didn't even bother to whisper anymore.

"I'm tired." He complained, and I believed him. I knew I had gotten more out tonight than most had gotten out in a while. I also knew Two-bit could get the rest out of Pony.

"I love you kid," I whispered right next to his ear. Pony moved around for a few more seconds before settling with out any type of movement.

I dropped my arm around him, he didn't object for the first night, looked like to me him and I were friends again. I had only one thing to say to that, " It's about time."


	5. Chapter 5

My eyes opened briefly as I heard the front door slam and I assumed it was Darry. Unable to hold my heavy eye lids open I figured it couldn't be Steve because he wouldn't be up any time soon, and it certainly wasn't Pony because he was next to me. It wasn't like him to work on a Sunday, I hoped nothing was wrong.

I put my feet on the floor to go make sure he was okay when I heard the old truck engine roar fiercely as it was being cranked. It was hardly a few seconds later before the noise stopped, letting me know one of two things. One, it either stopped working and we had big issues to solve or two, it was driving farther and farther down the road. For our sake, I hoped it was the seconded one. I couldn't help but wonder, I knew he worked Saturday when he needed to, but working Sunday was almost unheard of.

As I thought harder I noticed Pony laying wide awake on his back looking at the ceiling.

"You up?" I asked even though I knew the answer.

"Yeah," he answered not enthused.

"Why?" I felt obligated to ask. In response he shrugged his shoulders

"About last night, I still think we ought to talk about it."

"Why," he copied me.

"`Cause that's what you and me do, Pone," I laughed slightly. We were having the conversation of two year olds. Every few words coming out of his or her mouth is most likely going to be why at that age.

"I don't wanna talk about it." He started to get up and leave the room.

"You can't keep doing this, running away from it. It'll keep eating at you until it makes you lose you're mind. Just spill, list everything that is pissing you off. I bet we can find solutions." I tried so hard, but it was as if no matter what I said it didn't matter.

He got up and walked over to the dresser, it didn't take him long to pull clothes out of the drawer. He left our room like a bat outta hell.

Mumbling to myself and rubbing my eyes I made my way to where Steve was out cold. My frown from not "fixing" Pony quickly changed three hundred and sixty degrees as an idea popped into my head. A damn good one at that.

I went ahead and turned the burner onto the stove while I gripped a glass and then began filling it with water. It took barely two seconds to make my whole morning better.

"What the hell!" Steve practically jumped to his feet. There was nothing like cool crisp water landing on your head and into your eyes to start off a morning. I couldn't contain my laughter at his reaction and I busted laughing uncontrollably .

"Man, that was classic." I smiled from my knees laughing.

"What is your problem!" Steve didn't find it as funny as I did.

"Well, I was having a rough morning, but now it's completely fine! I'm making eggs." I went back to the kitchen laughing like a fool.

"You are off you're rocker Curtis, I swear." He laid back down on the couch heavily.

"Come on man, that was good stuff."

"If it weren't so early I'd kick your ass, Pepsi." Steve mumbled. I bet he would have fought back if he weren't so tired.

'You're all bark and no bite Steve," I was still smiling bigger than I had in a while.

"Just keep going and I might even come over there."

"I'll leave you alone man, I've had my fun." I agreed stepping down.

He didn't speak and neither did I until I saw Pony trying to get back into our room unseen.

"Pony, breakfast. Steve, you could always get up as well." I suggested pretty much to see his reaction. The gesture he gave me in return was pretty much to be expected. I continued to laugh as Pony sat down.

"What do you say about us going to the movies today? I'm sure there's one out that you, me, and Steve can watch." I thought of that idea hardly seconds before bringing it up. I personally hated movies, to me they were boring, but I would be willing to go if it meant Pony would lighten up.

"Okay," he shrugged. That seemed to be a common body language for him at the time.

I let it be, I was ion my way to giving up completely on how life use to be. I guess when they tell you not to live in the past, I understand it now. I was about to except that everything was different and move on, but it wasn't like me to give up with our a fight.

I got up and walked out on to the porch, I knew right when I did Pony would dump the eggs on mine and Steve's plate. I knew my baby brother pretty damn well, or who I thought he was.

I heard conversation taking place in the kitchen, but I didn't think too hard about it.

______________________________________________________________________________

"You don't know how good you got it kid." Steve came over and aggravated me.

"Go away, Steve." I stood up.

"You've had all kinda of slack cut your way, you're running out." I could tell he was getting more angry the more he spoke. Steve had been nicer to me the last several weeks than in the last fourteen years.

"Quit living in a fucking fantasy land and realize that things ain't as bad as you see them." Steve grabbed his plate and left the way Soda did.

"I heard that." Soda spoke with out a smile. That was my first clue he was upset, and the second was him taking long hard drags of his weed in between staring into no where land as if it were a girl in a bikini.

There's nothing worse than seeing your best friends suffering and not being able to stop it.

"Damn," I mumbled


	6. Chapter 6

I knew I was destroying my family. I hated I was doing it. It made me like myself even less. Soda right now, was out on the porch telling Steve he didn't know what to do, and Steve would say something mean about me, followed by a nice comment just to make Soda feel better. I was use to them all doing things like that. At first it bothered me that they thought that they could talk behind my back like I was four and some baby who was incapable of knowing the truth of what everyone was talking about, but then I didn't really care.

"Just let Two-bit pall around with him for a while. He'll get answers one way or an other." Steve assured.

"I'm his brother damn it! He use to tell me EVERYTHING and now he won't even tell me what he wants to eat, much less why the hell he all of a sudden doesn't like school!" Soda snapped. I could tell just by Soda's voice crack he was getting ready to cry.

"Let's go get drunk," Steve suggested real serious.

"You know I don't do that kind of stuff." Soda hesitated.

"I know, but I thought about this time you'd maybe changed your mind," Steve leaned back against the porch rail.

"Ask again in a few days." It was just like Soda to keep people smiling.

"Let's go to Tim's, Steve stood up and opened the door. he saw me sitting on the couch, and pretty much knew I heard everything they had been discussing.

He looked at me for a long second but didn't speak. If I wouldn't have known better I would have guessed that Steve was making sure I was okay, in the only way he knew how.

"Pone, let's go see Curly." Soda hid that he was hurt by Pony's actions.

"I think I'll just hang out here," he objected.

"Thanks not an option, I'll be waiting outside, don't take forever," Soda spat letting the screen door snap back. It was a miracle that, that door was even on its hinges.

"Come on kid, do this for Soda will ya?"Steve looked back at him as he held open the door. I went, not because I wanted to talk to Curly, and not because I was asked to, but because Soda needed me to, it's about time I did something to help someone else out.

The walk to Curly's was quiet, but that was to be expected. I counted the steps I took from one tree to the next just to give me something the think about. I took approximately 27.5 steps between each tree as an average. The most I took was 48, and the least was half a step.

I saw the Shepard's place in the distance. It was a small beat up house that needed to be painted worse than ours did. It looked like most houses did around here, held up with chewing gum and a shoe string. I imagined it looked on the inside like Two-bit's house would look if he was to grow up and move out with beer's everywhere, the couch clearly serving as some ones bed for the main reason being because it was closer to the television set.

Soda knocked good and loud one time before Steve just opened the door.

"Soda, Steve, Pony how's it going?" Tim asked getting up from the couch packed in real tight with a several girls.

"Hi ya Tim," Soda faked being happy, Tim bought it.

"Don't ever bother knocking, no one will ever answer," he assured.

"Really, why's that?" Steve called looking at a beer on the table wondering if it was safe to drink.

"Only people who knock is the fuzz, or a stranger, we don't want either here." Tim motioned them in.

Steve got a good laugh out of Tim's comment.

"What are you laughing at, shit face?" Tim grumbled pushing him harder than necessary out of the way.

"Curly ought to be in his room," he glanced up at me.

Mine and Soda's eyes meet briefly before he headed back to find Curly.

I walked down the hall way before stopping to knock on Curly's door. I learned the hard way a few years back to always know in the Shepard house. There was no telling what was ever going on behind doors.

I banged my dry knuckles on his wooden door hard briefly before stopping and waiting.

There was a long pause before Steve pitched in.

"Hey now Curly," Steve yelled loud enough to raise the dead. "Hope you aren't doing anything in there you got company!"

Soda snickered from the couch, and Tim stood up walking over to where I was standing.

"Curly, open the damn door." Tim growled then banged hard enough to shake the walls around the door.

"What the hell," Curly muttered opening the door.

"It's about time, what are you catching on on beauty sleep?" Tim pushed the door open all the way making sure Curly wasn't doing anything stupid.

"It's not like I got that much sleep while I was gone," he rubbed his bloodshot eyes roughly.

"You're not suppose to, it's called reform school for a reason." He glared daggars returning to where Soda and Steve were.

"I'd offer some food, but we don't have any, but go on relax. These girls have some place to be anyway." I knew just by Tim's body language he knew Soda and Steven had something to say.

"How's it going man?" Curly got my attention.

"What, yeah it's all good?" I guessed on what he asked me.

"Come on in," Curly offered kicking stuff out of the way.

"You doin` alright?" Curly asked half asleep.

"Yeah man, how about you? You just got home," I turned the tables.

"It's not my first time, I dunno if it'll be my last. I missed some serious action here." Curly kicked some clothes off his bed.

"Yeah, a lot has happened." I said feeling as if something needed to be said.

"Tim told me you were almost drown, you were on the run away, saved some kids life, and then made it home to clean everything up. Damn Curtis." He spoke as if it was an accomplishment.

"Lot has happened," I spoke with hope he would change the topic soon.

"Never thought I'd say it, but things sure are different with Dallas not around. I keep waiting for him to yell same remark to me or bust me at some party when I'm to drunk to know how I got there." I could tell he was thinking about Dally as he talked to me.

"Shit happens," he spoke with anger.

"I'm real sorry about Johnny, I know you two got real close." Curly showed a softer side, I knew he'd deny it if I ever brought it up again as well.

I was speechless.

"Dallas just couldn't face that world with out Johnny. He couldn't handle being a man for once in his damn life!" Curly yelled angry clenching his fists.

"Shit happens" I reminded him.

Curly let out a long sigh before mumbling, "Curtis," under his breath.

"Well listen man, I'll let you get back to what you were doing, I just wanted to welcome you home." I said ready to leave.

" There's no hurry, Pone," Curly told me.

"Welcome home, Curly." I headed towards the door.

"It's good to be home Curtis."

I walked down the the hall back to where Soda and Steve were talking deeply to Tim. They all stopped and looked at me when I came out.

"Hey Pone," Soda smiled with soft eyes. It always amazed me how he could do that. Bring calmness to a room. "Steve and you are gonna walk to the DX and I'm gonna meet you there," Soda explained.

"I don't need a baby sitter," Pony complained.

"Sure you do," Steve mocked.

With that comment I knew Tim and Soda were talking about me.


	7. Chapter 7

"You two sure did keep it short in there," Steve recognized. I shrugged my shoulders not really knowing how to respond. I really just wanted to walk to the DX in silence, however, I had a feeling my wish wouldn't be granted.

"What's with you and this school shit I've been hearing about?" Steve made his first mistake, opening his trap.

"Get off my case Steve," I knew I almost sounded hopeful, but I didn't care what ever would give me some peace, I would try.

"Not until you get over yourself!" Steve snapped back. I knew in the back of my mind that he wasn't trying to be an ass all the time, that sometimes he is just trying to be a pal in the only way he knows how. Which I never thought was enough, you do chose how you act over all.

"Do the people at school really give you that hard of a time? We can help you Pony." He lied. No one could help me. He didn't even have the first idea on how to help me. He was just thinking he was so perfect and could fix every problem because he can fix cars.

"Mind your own business," I tried once again, and once again I failed, miserably.

"This is my business, its everyone's! We don't just leave our own out to mess up their lives!" Steve made his second mistake, talking things too far.

"Yeah, well where were we when Johnny got beat up the first time so bad he spent the rest of his life afraid of every single thing? What kind of life is that, always being afraid and jumpy all the time? Where were we when Johnny had no choice but to kill a soc to prevent him from killing me? He had to make the choice of killing someone or letting someone be killed. He could have just let them kill me and nothing else would have even happened! Where were you when we hid in a church and ate damn baloney for meal after meal? Where were we when Dal couldn't handle the death of Johnny and decided that it wasn't worth living for the rest of us only for Johnny. Talk about a selfish decision. Where were you to talk him down from making his worst mistake? So don't you dare talk to me about taking care of our own, Steve Randle because there is NO such thing." I stopped walking and yelled frustrated at Steve for continuously trying to pick a fight. I swear that guy would make a preacher cuss.

"Man kid, that thinking right there, isn't doing one person any good." Steve told me then walked ahead. I don't think he cared at that point if he made Soda mad by not babysitting me.

I turned around and walked in the opposite direction of Steve. I knew that I was being difficult and hard to live with, but if everyone would just leave me alone it would make the process easier.

My mind searched for places to go. If one thing I had learned through all this, it would be walking alone was never a good idea, no matter how desperate.

My body just naturally turned left at the next street corner and I continued to walk straight. Before I knew it I was in the vacant lot.

I hadn't been there in a while. I felt like most people hadn't. It brought back memories that were suppressed for at least the time being. Maybe even longer. Often it is easier to avoid the reminders than to face them.

I stood with my heels in the dirt and just the tip of my toes touching the paved asphalt as I searched for how to react.

My mind jumped from one thought to the next as my heart began to pound in my chest like a drum with an increasing tempo. I could feel the anger inside of me rising with ever second that past. I felt like I was going to explode, so I began to do the only thing I really knew how to do; run.

I pushed on to the lot and hurled my body with intense speed, and when I reached the other side I did it again, and again, and again, and again.

My heart was racing, my feet were sliding, my head was pounding, my sweat was dripping, and my eyes began to creep up to the corner of my eyes. But, I would not stop. For once, no one was bothering me, no one was worrying about me, no one was babying me, or even talking about me behind my back as if I were stupid enough to not realize what they were talking about.

For the first time in I don't even know how long I was truthfully alone. I kept going as my breath began to pick up. I turned around and started again. My legs were getting heavier.

I went once more and my knees and ankles got tired.

I was turning around to start again put my feet slid out from under me. The shoes I was wearing were not meant for running. My hands slid across the asphalt like cheese over a grater. My jeans had an instant tear in both knees. It wasn't like they were anything fancy anyhow. The second I hit the ground I began to cry.

I finally had, had enough. I was sick and tired of hurting all the time. I laid on my stomach face down in my own tears in blood until I forced myself to calm down.

I took one long deep breath in and three short ones out for a good long time before I could stand up and get the hell out of the lot. As I walked away from the lot looking beat up as I was, it only made me want to stay more. I felt like I was being pulled back to the lot.

So, I decided to give myself what I wanted. Someone would come find me if they needed me, it's not like I was doing anything illegal.

"Hey Steveie, sorry it took so long, what knew that Tim was a talker!" I smiled goofy approaching Steve. He had his back turned towards me, but I knew I needed to put back on my happy go luck attitude I was famous for, even if i wasn't feeling up to the take.

"No man, it's fine. He say anything worth listening to?" Steve kept his back towards me, which was unusual, but I didn't think twice about it.

"Not too much, just a few points I ought to bring up with Darry. Where is Pony, I'll buy him a drink, want any thing?" I asked moving my eyes to all of Pony's common hand outs.

"Soda, Pony's not here?" Steve said. I didn't like the feeling my gut was beginning to get.

"Where is he?" I tried my best not to jump to conclusions.

"I don't know," Steve turned to face me.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N A much over do disclaimer; I do not in anyway own the Outsiders. This idea was inspired by S.E. Hinton. I owe her all of this story.

"He went off on some bullshit about something that made no sense, then I started walking assuming he'd follow when he cooled off." Steve tried to reason with me. He tried desperately to explain what happened with out upsetting me, but I just had a feeling that I was going to be upset no matter how carefully he chose his words. It was inevitable.

"Well, obviously that didn't happen did it!" I was beginning to loose my cool. That seemed to be happening a lot. Not knowing where someone was that was close to you was nearly the worst feeling ever. No, not nearly the worst feeling ever, it is the worst feeling ever.

" Buddy, I'm sorry, but," he started then stopped as if he wanted me to guess or read his mind

"But what Steve!" I ran my fingers through my hair. It was getting longer than I would normally like, but it wasn't like I had been having much time to think about it or do anything about it.

"Soda, I am a little worried about him," he moved his gaze from me to the floor. It wasn't easy for him to talk about that kind of stuff.

"Welcome to the club." I touched his arm trying to show him that I wasn't mad.

"Call up Two-bit, get him to run by our place and see if he went on home. If he's not there tell Two-bit to stay there and call Shepard and his guys to help out." Soda put on his jacket and began to walk out the front.

"Soda, we can't just leave," Steve almost whispered.

"Watch me." I told him emotionless as he went back to the phone dialing as fast as he could.

I left the DX searching my brain for where to look first. It wasn't time to panic yet, it wouldn't surprise me if he was at home by now. He wasn't the irrational one in the family.

"Sodapop," I heard called from the distance.

I stopped briefly looking in the direction I had heard.

"Cherry?" I was surprised and I'm sure my tone showed it.

"I hope it is okay I came by," She caught on looking nervous.

"Of course it is, it is always good to see you!" I exaggerated a smile and pulled her into a hug.

"You haven't seen Pony have you?" I tried to ask subtly and not that I was freaking out like I was.

"No, not since the trial, why does he talk about me?" I knew her mind was drifting in the opposite direction then what he intended.

"No, he doesn't talk about the past too much, or anything to be honest." I began to walk a little faster, she followed.

"I've wanted to come by, honest I have," she began, but I cut it.

"Cherry, you don't owe us anything. It could go the other way around," I joked half heartedly.

"How's that?" She didn't follow.

"You testified at Johnny's trial, it wasn't just us hoods, protecting our own." I tried to explain the best I could, but I knew there were somethings Socs would never understand, no matter what.

"It was the only right thing to do, no reason a hero should have had charges brought against him, especially since he was dead," She responded. I could tell the second the last few words came out of her mouth she regretted it.

I couldn't really force a smile then, because Johnny was a hero, but not just because of the kids he saved for so many reasons that only we knew, and that was just a shame.

"That wasn't the only reason I did it for, you know." She spoke up before I cut in.

"Listen Cherry, it would be great to talk to you an other time, but I need to find Ponyboy," I cut in as politely as I could.

"Is everything okay?" She had a worried expression across her face.

"It will be once I find him." I sounded more confident than I was.

"Have you checked the Drive in, Dingo, or the General store?" She listed places I would normally have thought of.

"Not yet," I admitted reaching for a smoke. I took them from our room the other night trying to prevent Pony from smoking yet an other pack. I knew he'd assume he lost or smoked them and not that I stole them.

I rarely smoked, or drank for that matter, but right then if someone asked me if I wanted a beer you can bet a rat's ass that I would take it.

"We should try the drive in first, he'd most likely go there." Cherry informed me.

"Why?"

"It's somewhere he could easily go alone right?" She reasoned with me walking in the direction of the drive in.

I slammed the phone down so hard I knocked both the phone and the receiver on to the ground. I didn't care, I had more things to worry about.

I pulled open the desk drawer in search of my keys, but of course they were not where they were suppose to be. It's funny how that always seems to happen.

I began frantically digging through the clothes in my room trying to find the pants I wore the night before.

After what seemed like forever I found the pants and the keys, and was on my way to the Curtis' house.

"Come on Pony, be home. Come on Pony." I pleaded out loud as I pulled up the the Curtis house.

I slammed the car door and with my heart racing walked to the front door.

I pulled the screen door open hearing the common screech we were all use to.

"Pony?" I called hopeful, "Are you here Ponyboy? Everyone's out lookin for you." I spoke again. I almost prayed to the Lord that he would be in the house some where. I would have literally prayed on my hands and knees and everything, the whole nine yards if I thought it would do anyone any good.

I opened ever door in the house, there was no luck. I knew I had to call Shepard, but the feeling I had in my stomach let me know nothing good was going to come from asking their help.

They don't know Pony the way we do, they won't know how to talk him down from any stupid thing he is going to do or had done like we do.

"Shepard, it's Two-bit, Darry needs your help." I knew if I said I needed your help he wouldn't take me as seriously, he wouldn't know the situation that we are in and how it wasn't a joking matter.

"Shoot," he responded slyly. He sure is a different guy.

"We need you and your guys to help us find Pony, Steve pissed him off and we haven't seen him since. We need to find him and not get the cops involved, he's suppose to be keeping a low profile." I explained the best I could.

"What do you mean you haven't seen him since? He ran off or somethin? He'll come back when he gets hungry or tired won't he? Curly always does!" He wasn't giving me his full attention.

"He isn't a cat damn it! He doesn't just go and come as he pleases!" I twisted the cord to the phone around my finger turning it purple.

"Alright, alright don't get you panties in a wad. I got Darry's back, he's had mine plenty of time. I'll find everyone and then we'll have a search party, savvy?" He mocked me slightly but I could hear him rummaging through things before he hung up with out saying good bye, such a Shepard thing to do.

I swear he reminds more of Dally than anyone.

I didn't want to just sit down and wait for either Pony or Darry to come home, but I knew that if I left and either of them came home, hell would break loose. I told myself it was kind of ironic. Darry is usually the one keeping everyone's cool, but that night it was mine, and I sure wasn't known for being the responsible one.

I sat in silence for a few minutes wonder what I could do, but when I didn't have any luck I turned to the fridge accepting defeat. I pulled out a beer and went back to the couch.

I could tell he was getting frustrated when we didn't find Pony at the Drive in or the Dingo I felt like it was up to me to say something reassuring.

"Tulsa not a big place, Soda. He's got to be around here somewhere."

"Whose to say he's in Tulsa anymore?" he responded negatively.

"Hey Curtis!" I heard yelled from behind. Soda and I both turned to look.

"Hey how's it going Shepard?" He asked calmly taking a long drag out of his cigarette.

"It's better when I'm not going around the whole damn place looking for a 12 year old!" He mumbled.

"He's almost 15," I corrected looking Tim in the eyes before looking away.

"Whose the chick?" He turned to Soda. He could have simply just asked what my name was to my face instead of being an ass about it. I swear he's more like Dally than any guy I've ever met.

"My name's Cherry. I've seen you guys around school, on the rare occasion that you do attend." I shot back. It wasn't my wisest move move, but what can I say I was getting tired. I came to talk to Soda about something, not to look for his little brother.

"You're offly far from home ain't ya?" One of the guys with Shepard asked. I was sure that by that point he was already thinking of me in a twisted way. Jack Asss.

"Any luck?" Soda changed to subject. I felt kind of bad getting into with someone when things were bad enough as it was.

"No man, but we'll figure it out." With that they were all gone.

"I swear if we don't find him before Darry gets home, it's gonna be bad news." Soda told me.

"Pony told me a few weeks ago that things were better with him and Darry. It's changed?" I asked beginning to walk in the direction Soda was.

"They were for a while, but then with in the last two weeks he's been ridding Darry's nerves and Darry just ain't too sensitive." he tried to explain the best that he could.

"I don't know if now is such a good time to tell you this Soda," I started then stopped. When I thought about it, it wasn't a good time to tell him.

"I figured you weren't just come by to chat," he smiled his warm smile. Even in the worst of situation Soda just had this charm that all other men lacked.

"Go ahead," he nodded.

"It's a long story." I hesitated.

" Well good, we've got a long walk." he simply stated.

"It started a while ago, I'm in several oh Pony's classes, after Dally and Johnny," I paused. I didn't know how to say they died with out sounding rude.

"I know they died, it's not a surprise that I didn't know about Cherry." Soda laughed softly.

"Right, sorry. Well, Pony wasnt' making great marks on his tests and everything. The teacher asked him to stay one day after class and I didn't hear what the teacher told him, but after that day Pony hardly even comes to class anymore. I didn't say anything sooner because I thought it was just that one class, but the last week he even ditched english everyday." I told him flat.

"Are you sure?" he asked me to clarify. I know he wished that I was lying, but I wasn't.

"He use to like school. He would be the last kid I would ever guess that would ditch."

I looked up and saw it was nearly getting dark. I knew I needed to get home before Darry and Soda to clean myself up. The last thing I wanted was 1,000 questions.

I walked back to the house, and I stepped onto the porch I knew it was hardly ten minutes before Darry got home.

I pulled the screen door open and let it slam behind me, I didn't expect anyone to be home.

"Where the hell have you been!" Two-bit jumped up like he was sitting on a nail.

"What?" I asked stepping around him going toward the bathroom,

"Everyone's been looking for you! What happened where's all the blood from?" He grabbed me and turned me around.

"Hey!" I protested. "I fell trying to get away from Steve, what do you mean everyone? Darry's not home is he?" I felt a not in my stomach.

"Not yet!" Two- bit was still standing mouth dropped.

"Alright no harm done. I'll go shower. Tell Soda I'm home when he comes by." I closed the door behind me.

"Kid, you don't get it! We were all out there looking for you! Shepard and his guys too!"

"Go tell them to stop looking!" I didn't hear a response. So, either he was still standing with he mouth wide open, or he really did go look to tell Soda.

The water stung slightly as it hit my back and shoulders. The water was basically steaming, it was so warm. It felt unrealistically good.

My pleasant cleanliness was disturbed by loud foot steps, followed by the bathroom door flying open, and the curtain to the shower being pulled back.

"SODA!" I yelled turning the water off and quickly grabbing a towel.

"Are you kidding? You are home? Where were you? I was so worried. Damn Pone!" Soda yelled. I didn't hear him like this too often, but surprisingly i didn't care too much.

"I had everyone looking for you!" He sat down on the toilet catching his breath.

"Hey guys, where are you?" We heard Darry at the front door.

"What's he gonna say?" Soda whispered getting my attention.

"What, why would you tell him? What are you going to tell him? I didn't do anything wrong. You're only mad because you went looking for me like I was lost, but I wasn't."

"We need to talk." Soda lowered his voice.

I got this feeling overwhelm me when Soda spoke


End file.
